After some debate, we concluded that it’s not really a bad thing to have time tables and a meal schedule.  In fact, we think it’s part of what has kept us in recovery.

Here’s why: when we skip meals or snacks, we get crazy.  When we eat routinely, we think clearly.  We have learned (by trial and error) how much we need to eat and how often we need to eat to feel and perform at our best, and once you’ve figured that information out, it’s pretty dumb NOT to stick to it.  Also, when I know my schedule, I don’t have to really make an active choice—routine makes it for me—so I don’t give myself the opportunity to go crazy.

It CAN get complicated, though, because telling yourself “you have to eat at these times, regardless of how you feel—you have no choice” can eventually turn into a thought process like, “if I don’t eat at these times, something bad will happen.” I think that’s the rigidity that the commenters were referring to in their question, and I’ve definitely struggled with that.  For example, at times I’ve debated whether to go to social events because dinner started at 8 which is too late for me, and my eating schedule always causes me anxiety when I’m with my in-laws because they do things like brunch and skipping meals, leaving me to decide if I can be flexible or if it’s better for me to eat alone on my schedule.

So how do I deal? Two ways:

At the beginning of recovery, I ate at 8, 10, 12, 3, 6, and 9.  I didn’t allow myself flexible windows of time to eat because windows left room for waffling and delaying that could bleed into “oh, I’m too full to eat this snack.”

Now that I’m in a better place in recovery, the question isn’t “will I eat?” but“when will I eat?” so I can use a more flexible schedule like this (or even one outside of this—I’ve been known to eat breakfast at 6 am or 9:30 am, for example. Living on the edge, fo sho.)

The beauty of a flexible schedule is that it helps me remember to eat every few hours so I feel and perform my best, but it also allows freedom when I’m around other people or on vacation or tied up at work—and I’m not throwing tantrums when my “schedule” is messed up.

This last weekend in Washington, the bridesmaids weren’t eating lunch one day until 2 pm.  I knew I wouldn’t feel good if I waited that long, so I walked 3 minutes to a gas station, bought a Clif bar, and ate a smaller lunch later. No one commented or cared, and I wasn’t being rigid—I was just bringing my best me to the table. Similarly, I’ve been known to eat when no one else is eating at my in-laws because I know I need to.

When you take care of yourself without commenting and without making a big deal about it, no one really minds.

Except, apparently, my husband, who is SO offended.

2. Know that the schedule is there to HELP you.  When it’s not helping you, throw it out the window.

We all know what a rigidity attack feels like.  It’s when you KNOW you’re making a big deal about something stupid and you really wish you weren’t. It’s when you’re throwing a tantrum, wailing “why do people eat at 7:30? I’m sooooo hungry! I don’t even want to gooooo! No, I don’t want a snack beforehand.  It’s not snacktime!” or “I know it’s my best friend’s baby shower, but I don’t want to eat anything at 11 am so I’m not going at all!” or “I’m hungry but it’s not timmmmmmme.  I can’t possibly eat anything!”

When these things are happening, your schedule isn’t helping you, and you need to a) chuck it out the window and b) eat something immediately.

Chances are, once you eat, you’ll feel way better, and can make a more rational decision.  Remind yourself that food is not the end goal of your life, so you will refuse to let it control your decision making and your joy.  Then make a decision in which eating HELPS, not controls you.

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